PEACE CORPS: SAYING NO

Last year today, I declined an offer to be a Peace Corps member as an English Educator in Colombia. 

Before I get into all of the reasons I said no, let’s see why I wanted to say yes:

WHY I APPLIED TO THE PEACE CORPS [an excerpt from my motivation statement]:

I fully believe that education can open lives to better opportunities, and I simply want to help better our world, a little at a time. Learning the English language can be the stepping stone for better life opportunities, as I have seen firsthand while teaching English in Costa Rica and Tanzania. Seeing the small difference I have made in the lives of others through education has simply solidified my motivation to join the Peace Corps. From my unusual American childhood to traveling the world the past four years, I realize that I have been preparing for this application my whole life. I fully support the Peace Corps mission of promoting world peace and friendship, and I strive to dedicate my services and background to help others while promoting cross-cultural understanding as an American global ambassador.

Basically, I felt called to serve. I found I love teaching, and I love helping people from other cultures learn English. 

WHY DID I SAY NO?

There’s a myriad of reasons, truthfully. 

Part of it was that I didn’t want to sell my soul to the government, and that’s kind of what it felt like. If I am going to do that, I want it to be for something I truly truly want (which fingers crossed, may be happening). But really, there was three main issues.

TIME COMMITMENT

After some insane research, I found out that almost half of the Peace Corps volunteers, do not finish their term.

You wonder why? Well, it’s a two year commitment AND a 3-6 month training before the two years. That’s two and a half years away – away from family, friends, the life you’ve built. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely want to live abroad, and I don’t have the biggest issue with being away. Frankly, I hadn’t been in one place for even a year since high school and the idea of being in one place for that long ANYWHERE kind of spooked me. But if we’re being real, my parents aren’t the youngest. I want to have the flexibility to see them and spend time with them and learn them as adults. I want to explore with my brother while he gets so into biking. I didn’t want to miss my best friend’s wedding. 

And if I was not fully committed to staying the entire duration, then I should absolutely not say yes.

Strike one.

LIVING CONDITIONS

Peace Corps volunteers live in the same conditions that they are serving in. And since they are often and mostly placed in rural, poverty stricken areas that need it most – yes, you guessed it, they are also living in poverty-like conditions. They asked me how I would feel living without what we as Westernized consider basic living conditions – possibly without clean, accessible running water, no WIFI, no electricity. 

I said I’d have no issue, because frankly, I’ve done that before. We grew up on the lower side of poor, and I’ve gone through those issues and more, and survived. The recruiter asked how I would feel living with a host family with little privacy. As I answered this question, the screaming of my host family’s grandchildren in the background echoed over our zoom call. Once again – I’ve done it, I survived, I’ll be okay. And then they asked how I would feel dealing with the machismo culture of Latin America. I reflected back on the daily sexual harassment I lived – survived – in Costa Rica for half a year, and once again, the answer was – I’ve already experienced it and handled it, so I’ll be okay.

And then I thought a little more. Do I want to be “just okay”? Do I seriously want to voluntarily live in poverty again, have no privacy, no basic amenities, deal with the sexual harassment that is a unfortunate staple in the machismo culture of Latin America?

Simply – why would I voluntarily live like this – when I could do the same job, and get paid for it since I have all of the qualifications?

Strike two.

OTHER WAYS TO LIVE/SERVE/TEACH ABROAD

The final splash to the face came from a conversation I had with my brother, who always makes me second-guess my actions and keep my head on straight. Thank you, Sky, for being honest with me that day. My other family members told me they’d support whatever I did, but my brother – well, he straight up called it dumb. He listed all the qualifications I had – from the Bachelor’s degree I was finishing, to the extensive experience already gained teaching abroad, to the TEFL I was completing at that moment – that qualified me to get a job teaching abroad in in a safer country with less time commitment, better living conditions, and – a paycheck. I hadn’t really thought of it like that, and truly wanted to SERVE, but he reminded me that I can serve communities and be paid at the same time. It doesn’t make my contributions any less; it just makes my life easier.

Strike three.

THIS IS NOT TO DISCOURAGE YOU, BUT TO TELL MY STORY

Now, I did not write all of this to discourage anyone who may be interested in the Peace Corps. The Peace Corps is important, a life-changing, incredible opportunity with so many perks. (PROS AND CONS LIST HERE)

But it is also very, very hard. And I believe that more volunteers need to think long and hard about the commitment BEFORE saying yes and then end up leaving early. 

And in light of that, although I did end up saying no, for it was best for me, I still encourage those who truly know what they’re getting into – to go for it. So much, that I am willing to share my Peace Corps motivation statement with anyone who wants it. A statement, that helped me get an offer. 

So, whatever this makes you think, whether the Peace Corps interests you or doesn’t – know yourself. Sit down and listen to your intuition, and find out what is right for you.

Lost in Words: Harry Potter Review

From the farthest stretches of fuzzy memory, I remember getting lost in books. Entire summers were spent diving into the endless adventures borrowed from our local small-town library that were inevitably just going to get lost in the house, exactly as I had gotten lost in their words. My mom would pass on whatever book she had just finished reading and a few days later, I would resurface to reality, reeling from the shock of re-entry. 

Ending a series always hit harder than most, from the time allotted learning these characters, laughing when they laugh, crying when they cry. As I read, I become them, taking on their lives, their emotions, their surroundings, becoming as real, or more, as my own. The more pages you read of one’s story, the more attached and solid they become. 

And now we come to Harry Potter: the infamous series of Hogwarts and wizardry by J.K. Rowling. At the ripe ole age of 22, regardless of the thousands of books I tore through in my childhood, seeking wonder after wonder in all kinds of genres and characters, I hadn’t read Harry Potter. 

My brother read them (as I remember) in third or fourth grade. With a three-year gap between us, I had just really began the lifetime wonder of books, reading whatever first-graders do. As my spotty memory recalls, I attempted to read the first book, struggled with words that were past my baby level, and announced “I didn’t like them,” and never seriously picked another up since… 

Well, until now, spurred on by my time living in Europe.

A few months ago, I was living in Alcalá de Henares, Spain, in a sizeable city suburb, an hour train-ride outside of Madrid. During this time, I traveled to Madrid in my spare time, visited other cities of Europe on the weekend – the whole lot, yeah? 

What was interesting to see, was Spain, and really all of Europe’s, fascination and continual marketing of Harry Potter. Potter’s face on billboards popped out the windows of the tram, boasting of the entire movie collection available to stream on Netflix. Madrid’s numerous tourist shops sold tiny snitches a dime a dozen. Portugal’s main airport had vertical video advertisement of the series. And possibly most befuddling was the Harry Potter fandom store that my roommate and I walked past every day, and one day, into. An entire store, dedicated to a book series, in a very small, non-touristy suburb in Spain? Why? What was this obsession that Europe has with Harry Potter?

Well, I understand now. 

While in Spain, I rewatched the entire movie series on Netflix on planes and buses, killing time in transport in the magical little world. They’re great, don’t get me wrong… but they are NOTHING compared to the books. 

I finished the final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows about an hour ago. I had to take a minute after closing that last page, floating gently on my paddleboard in the middle of the lake, wondering at it all, slowly coming back to reality with every lap of the water, distinctly NEEDING something to bring me back, and yet, not wanting to come.

I read it in three days. 759 pages, 3 days. That’s how good they are.

I think I would have finished the entire series in about a few weeks, but the ending of the sixth book (that I will not discuss, in case others would like to discover on their own), kind of ruined me for a bit and I had to take a few weeks break. Deep, rasping sobs, screaming, writing it all off, the loss of an entire morning. When I tell you I get invested, this is what I mean. 

I understand now, the entirety of Europe’s continual Potter fascination. J.K. Rowling whirled such a detailed, fantasmic story, rought with such creativity of world and characters. Heart strings pulled continuously for the main characters, spurring and rooting Harry on while we admired Hermione’s wit and laughed at Ron, heart leaping at the threat of You-Know-Who. 

The entire series is about 4195 pages. That’s a lot of time spent learning another world. I understand now that Spain and Europe continue to advertise because they’re proud of J.K. Rowling’s Scotland roots. Almost of a form of nationalism – look at this, we’re proud of her, this is awesome! And they should be. 

To the Potterheads I didn’t imagine I would so strongly be, I get you. Live with love. 

Join me first for my next words, who know what they will be? I’m just going.

mental health check: are you okay?

Today I am.

This pandemic, 2020 in general – it’s really impacted the mental health of a lot of humans in a harsh way, yours truly included.

The stigma of mental health, of anxiety (ding ding!!) looms heavily even now when I mention it. Visibly uncomfortable, they try to change the subject or flip it back around, like “noooo you’re fine.”

People are so shocked when I tell them I struggle with anxiety, like “really you’re so sunny! You’re so bright and positive and happy!”

Yeah, well, not all the time. There are days I don’t feel like doing anything because I don’t know if there WILL be a world for me, or what in the world my future will be. ALL of my plans centered around traveling internationally, and that’s well… not happening.

They say acceptance comes easy with recognition, but it’s taken me such a long time to accept that my plans – my life of travel and adventure in foreign countries… that’s just not in the cards for me right now.

And that’s okay, for now I simply need to make new plans.

“Simply,” i wish it was. I’m working on it.

But it is also absolutely okay to still feel sad about the endings, the process of letting go of a life unable to be lived currently.

My feelings are valid, and I felt alone.

Your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here dressing up with no where to go, taking photos just to remind myself I am a photographer… that I am, well, something.

I’ll be here with a welcoming virtual air-hug for anyone that needs it. I am with you.

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#beauthentic #mentalhealthawareness #wearenotokay

DARE TO DREAM BIGGER

If your dreams don’t scare you, are you thinking big enough?

I resent the monotonous life, the 9-5 work until you’re dead, or close enough to dead that you can’t do anything, type life. I resent the American philosophy of materialism – the constant “go-go-go.”

An old friend tried to help me see his viewpoint a while back, that he could work hard and make his money now, to set him up to retire with all this money and go wherever when he’s 65, after he’s had children and raised them and has everything set up.

HOWEVER, consider this:

By the time you are 65, your knees definitely won’t carry you as well, you are settled into a community that you probably won’t really want to leave, and your worldview and habits are most likely, firmly in place.
Your dreams of hiking that mountain – impossible, because your physical body will not allow it. Instead, you used your good, young, healthy years, working… for what now?
Your dreams of backpacking and living in another country, learning a new culture, trying out that exciting and intimidating hobby – possible, but much harder and less enjoyable, since you’ve lived your life in your way and are now accustomed to your habits and lifestyle, and thus are entirely less likely to be fluid in another culture.

My question is… when did we stop living? When did work take over? Why can’t we do both?

My lifestyle, my dreams, are not for everyone. I know that, and that’s totally fine. I dream of living abroad, of exploring the world and other cultures, of using my young body hard while it can take it. Yes, that takes sacrifices and living scarcely – things people don’t like the sound of.

But tell me – is your future certain? Are you altogether POSITIVE that you will live long enough to see that retirement fund and be able to take your luxurious vacations?

I simply do not think so. I think the future of the world is a scary and uncertain prospect with everything going on, from pandemics to riots to the climate crisis… who knows if that river will even still be there for you to visit?

YOUR FUTURE IS NOT CERTAIN.
So if you died tomorrow, would you feel fulfilled?
Would you feel like you did everything you wanted to do?

Or are you going to get to age 65, look back, and wonder where the time went, why you wasted your good knees walking to the same job in your hometown everyday rather than down the dirt hills of a poor village in Africa, learning more of the world?

I stopped dreaming big for a moment because I let the world scare me, because I told myself it was impossible.
But it is NOT impossible, not at all.
You can do all the things you want to do.
It will take sacrifices. It does take a healthy mindset of priorities.
My priorities isn’t comfort or building a family right now.
It’s exploring and learning more of the world, more of me.
If you’re young and reading this, I want you to realize that this is the time to be “selfish” – the time to do things for you, before you have others counting on you.
If you’re older and reading this, know that life isn’t over and you didn’t waste your time, it was valuable in its own way, but now is your time to make your life how you want it.
Maybe that just means reaching out in your community or doing that art project you always wanted to do but never had time for.
You have time, if you make time.

So, what’s it going to be?
What means the most to you?
Prioritize that, and live for the now, while you still can.
Dare to chase those crazy dreams – the only one that can truly shut them down, is you.


Even if they end up impossible, don’t you want to know that you tried on a “maybe” instead of convincing yourself it was a “no” before you even started?


Live. Learn. Explore.
Go.

Connect with me on instagram to see me doing my best to live out my dreams and adventures authentically, and share with me how you’re living out your own!

We’re in this together, friends!

5 TIPS TO FIND YOUR PEACE AMIDST THE CHAOS

The world seems to be going a bit crazy, the United States in particular.

Even if you do not live in the United States, I’m sure you’ve seen the news and are dealing with your own issues. We’ve finally began to come together to actively revolt against the racism that has been ever-present through our history. Fantastic thing to do, maybe not the best time for it, considering we’re also still suffering under a world-wide pandemic. Huge gatherings of protestors ignoring social guidelines is inevitably bringing about another wave, faster and bigger than it would have been without. However, #BLM is real and needed and the movement is awesome and I so support. Check out my thoughts on this in my last insta post here.

Yet, I’m not here to talk about the Black Lives Matter Movement, the COVID-19 pandemic, the most intense upcoming hurricane season that’s about to hit… or any of the other worldly stressors that are absolutely okay that you may be anxious about.

I’m here to talk about dealing with it, about finding your peace within the chaos of our current world.

Dealing with the pressures of the world, even if it’s not right at your doorstep, affecting you. Because it will affect you, either way, some more than others.

Personally as an empath, I feel it all. I feel the pain of the people – the hopelessness of the world. Watching the news weights me down. I’ve ruined a few mornings by looking at the news in the morning instead of my usual routine.

Thus, I’m here to share a few of my tips to stay sane in such an insane world, to finding your inner peace amidst the chaos.

TIP #1: PUT THE PHONE DOWN

There’s so much being covered right now, and it should be. Yes absolutely, you should be aware what’s happening in the world, but also be aware that it can be too much. Check it, speak your peace, then put the phone down, and find your peace apart from it.

This can mean putting your phone away for an hour, or a day. Or, it can simply mean limits.

Limits can mean restrictions on social media. Maybe only allow yourself a set amount of time for that day. Be mindful of how you distract yourself from your stressors – is it by absently picking up your phone and scrolling social media? To get past that, I have deleted all social media on my phone except instagram and snapchat (the first because it’s my main platform and the former because some of my friends solely communicate through this). And even though these two are on my phone, they’re hidden from me on another tab and folder, requiring more steps, and thus more thought, for me to open the apps.

Another BIG tip to limit your detrimental time with these controlling little rectangular boxes are TURNING OFF YOUR NOTIFICATIONS or putting your phone on DO NOT DISTURB. I never have instagram “likes” or messages pop up because I’ve turned them all off. I look at the media or my messages when I feel able to, on my own time. Our modern idea of “immediacy” can heighten anxiety in so many ways, when we feel pressured to answer as soon as something pops up. You are not required to answer immediately. You have your own life, your own struggles. It’s okay to give it time. If they are really your friend, they will understand that.

You dictate your phone, don’t let it dictate you.

TIP #2: GO OUTSIDE.

NATURE, BEAUTIFUL NATURE. Do you remember the last time you were really in nature, and felt how refreshed and revived you feel afterwards?

Well, that is some scientifically accurate results.

Research reveals that “being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings. Exposure to nature not only makes you feel better emotionally, it contributes to your physical wellbeing, reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones.”

Nature helps in SO many ways, from depression to anxiety to that feeling of disconnection.

I am so incredibly grateful that I live in the country right now. I can walk outside and breathe in fresh air and see the beautiful green leaves blowing in the wind. I am definitely taking advantage of it, and I can tell a difference as soon as I walk outside, how much calmer I am.

So, take a walk, take a hike, listen to the birds, stare at the rustling of the trees. Get outside, and just be.

TIP #3: GET ACTIVE

The health benefits of exercise also benefits EVERYWHERE, but especially reducing anxiety. How can you worry about those other problems when you’re too busy exerting energy pushing yourself that hill?

Exercise helps by “releasing feel-good endorphins, natural cannabis-like brain chemicals (endogenous cannabinoids) and other natural brain chemicals that can enhance your sense of well-being.
It also takes your mind off worries so you can get away from the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression and anxiety.”

It’s been said that even 5 minutes a day of aerobic exercise will bring about a calmer state of mind. 5 minutes!! 5 minutes? I’m SURE that you at least have five minutes a day.

My favorite forms of exercise are biking, hiking, running, yoga, and dancing. BONUS health benefit if you exercise OUTSIDE too!!

PRO TIP: Try to do some form of exercise and mental tune-in in the morning when you first wake up, starting your day on a healthy and bright foot.

TIP #4: CONNECT AND COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PEOPLE

In this current time of isolation or social distancing, you may feel a bit distant, even a bit lonely. Looking at all the news and tunneling into these thoughts alone is NOT good for you.

“Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions: high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death.

Conversely, people who engage in meaningful, productive activities with others tend to live longer, boost their mood, and have a sense of purpose. These activities seem to help maintain their well-being and may improve their cognitive function, studies show.”

So, phone a friend, call your brother, meet up with someone for a little hike at the park. The season of Gemini that we are currently in is also inducing powerful friendly, communicative vibes. So reach out and communicate your feelings, your confusion, your anxious thoughts. You’d be surprised at how similar they can be- a lot of the times, they’re just not voiced.

So, voice them. Love each other. In such a current world, banding together with love and open communication is the best thing we can do for each other. And if you don’t feel like you have someone to communicate with, feel free to reach out to me, message on instagram, or comment here. You are never alone.

TIP #5: TUNE BACK INTO YOURSELF

We cannot begin to help another, if we cannot help ourselves.

Meditation, or simple mindfulness, can bring us back to the current moment, back to our inner peace. Your surroundings and your environment does not control your emotions, you do. Learning to cultivate and access your inner peace will lead to a calmer life, no matter the situation.

“We often experience anxiety because we fixate on the past or on the future. However, when you’re meditating, you’re intentionally focused on the here and now. Meditation also helps with anxiety because it quiets an overactive brain.”

Now, before you stop reading because I mentioned meditation, I want you to realize that meditation can take all forms – mindfulness meditation becoming ever more popular and mainstream everyday.

To exercise mindfulness, you simply need to slow down. Focus on your breathing, how your breathe comes in and fills your body, and flows back out, emptying your body. When thoughts come into your head (as they certainly will and that’s okay), gently acknowledge them without judgement, and then let pass on.

My favorite part about mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises is that you can do them anywhere, any time – even in conversation with someone! They don’t have to know that your mind is straying a little to your breath – all they will see is a calmer human, better equipped to understand yourself and them.

If you are interested in guided meditation, I highly recommend the Daily Meditation Podcast by Mary Meckley on Spotify. She has short and sweet, around 10-minute daily meditations. She has many different weekly series that you can choose to focus your meditations on. I am currently listening to the weekly inner peace series designed to cultivate your own inner peace.


Tuning back into yourself and taking the time to slow down is never selfish and never a waste of time. It is self-care, and you are worth it.

WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?

I am giving you my tips to finding peace within the chaos, because for a moment there, I wasn’t peaceful or sane, or any of it.

I’m telling you because I have needed and used EVERY single one of the these methods this last week, and I feel 10000x better for it.

I was losing perspective, drowning in the pain of the world, and losing all hope in my own life and my own dreams. The phrase, “why bother?” entered my head and out of my mouth more times than I am proud of.

And then, I went on a spontaneous weekend camping trip with a new friend. We discussed life and had deep meaningful conversations as we biked and hiked in nature with no phone service. Complete disconnection, a few days break from the news, yoga in the morning beneath the trees… It seriously did me so much good. From the day I left and the day I came back, the difference in my mindset and attitude was positively overwhelming.

I want you to know, that it is okay for you to pause. I want you to know, that it’s okay if the world’s issues are stressing you out, even if do not directly pertain to you at that moment. I want you to know, that it’s okay not to be okay.

I also want you to know, that you can cultivate your OWN peace, and you can change your mindset and your life – TODAY – by using one, or all of these healthy lifestyle tricks.

Let me know how it goes, which trick helps you the most, and reach out here in the comments or on instagram if you have any concerns or questions or just need some support. I understand and I’ll do my best to help in any way!

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LINKS:

https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks#:~:text=Health%20effects%20of%20social%20isolation,Alzheimer’s%20disease%2C%20and%20even%20death.

https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/how-does-nature-impact-our-wellbeing

https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/spend-time-in-nature-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495#:~:text=Regular%20exercise%20may%20help%20ease,your%20sense%20of%20well%2Dbeing

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-meditation-helps-anxiety/#:~:text=We%20often%20experience%20anxiety%20because,it%20quiets%20an%20overactive%20brain.

TRAVEL AND I

In the last 4 years, I’ve traveled, lived, and loved in 20 different countries.

20 countries at 22? Over a year out of my home country traveling while at the same time completing a bachelor’s degree? Wild.
Although I did throw out a number, that’s not how I truly feel. Country- counting travelers (who visit a country for a day and say they know it) isn’t what I feel is true traveling.

When I say I’ve visited 20 countries in the past four years – I’ve lived there, fully embracing their culture, (attempted to) learn their languages, sought to understand their perspectives. Getting lost, finding love, and above all, finding myself and my people in each.

WHY DO I TRAVEL?

Traveling pushes me to be a better human, cultivating every part of my personality to the best it can be.

Traveling opens your perspective, forcing you to look beyond your narrow box of living and see the world and yourself, as it really is.

SOLO traveling in particular, has changed my life for the absolute better. More of that to come, but here’s a sneak peek of my view on solo travel.

I am here to help you get there, and help you along the way.

Before you hear all about it, here’s exactly where I’ve been in my travels. Tell me your personal stories at these amazing places or ask any questions in the comments!

Visit my instagram for my personal travel tales and my photography page for how my artist eye has seen it, and don’t forget to sign up with your email for my upcoming secret travel tips and tricks!

JOIN ME

IT’S ALL ABOUT BALANCE

Sometimes I get so hung up on creating, on being productive, of doing something — that I lose my focus, I lose myself. My brain, previously very centered and relaxed from morning meditation and yoga – then starts to get all scattered when I sit down and start to work. As a creator archetype and a Virgo sun sign, I struggle with a perfectionist mindset in everything I do. If I doubt a perfect outcome, I can easily convince myself that I didn’t care that much in the first place and just stop now. I also easily overload myself with lots of creative avenues, trying to do everything at once, and beating myself up for not being able to. I get anxious and just close the laptop and walk away, instead of working on one thing at a time.

You know what happens when you try to do everything at once?

NOTHING. NOTHING ACTUALLY GETS ACCOMPLISHED.

Do you know how many half-done ideas I’ve had – projects that I was so excited to begin – but then my perfectionist ideals set in – and I didn’t finish it – most of the time I didn’t even really start it?

I wanted to write a book – a book I started. Videos I started, and never finished.

Ideas that began, but never reached fruition.

I’ve decided that I’m ending that cycle. Right here, and right now.

This is for you all – I’m dedicating myself to you. 

Together, we will finish a project at a time.

Together, we will create a life that generates growth and positivity in every day.

HOW??

By balancing your day, and recognizing that it takes a step at a time. 

I was not just a student or a worker – I am not simply a traveler or a blogger.

You are not simply a reader – not simply a daughter.

We are a combination of things, interests, responsibilities – By recognizing this and allowing ourselves to organize our life a little, we can become more peaceful overall.

This is my ideal balanced day of my current situation. Quarantine from COVID-19 has been a blessing in disguise in some ways, because it’s allowed me to slow down, while my mind speeds up. It’s trapped me at my parent’s house – but it’s in the country, with trees and a lake and mostly love, giving me time to work on myself, recognize a balance that took me a long time to find, and work on writing it down for you.

MORNING – INVEST IN YOURSELF

The mornings – mornings are for me – channeling my spiritual and physical energy.
I wake up about 2 hours earlier than the time I really need to be up so I can purposefully invest in myself. 

(THIS IS IMPORTANT – TO PURPOSEFULLY MAKE TIME FOR YOU – Whether that’s getting up earlier, or trading an hour of tv at night – dedicate some time of your day only to you).

After indulging in some lovely bean-juice, I take my yoga mat outside if it’s pretty and sink into my practice, breathing with the movement of the trees. After waking my body up with the birds tweeting behind me, I sit silently – and listen. Retreating into myself and my thoughts, I meditate for about 20 minutes. 

Although others definitely used to say I’m not a morning person, it’s just that I’m a better morning person with just me. I love my mornings  – because I’m taking the time to invest in my mental, spiritual, and physical health – in myself and understanding me. It’s a beautiful time for a gentle wake-up call, centering me and focusing in on me.

I follow this with my usual morning breakfast – coffee with Greek honey vanilla yogurt, fresh fruit, protein granola and VITAMINS. 

EARLY AFTERNOON – WORK

Afternoons are where I internalize my entrepreneur side. I sit myself down with my laptop, turn on night mode and put on my blue light glasses to protect my eyeballs – and work until I’ve done what I needed to do for the day. It’s usually a few hours into this – in which I get overwhelmed. Knowing when to take a break, has not come easy to me, but I’m beginning to understand it again.

LATE AFTERNOON – FIND SOME NATURE

I make sure to get outside and find myself in nature everyday. I recently made a garden for the first time – I mean, the whole bit, tilled, planted and everything. Checking on my little plants gives me such joy to see how they’ve done the next day. I play with my cat, Pabs, and let him chase golfballs. I paddleboard out onto the lake and breathe in the fresh air, loving the peace of the outdoors.

EVENING – LOVE YOUR PEOPLE

Don’t forget family, or food! father gets home from work. and I go in the house, conversate, and eat dinner with my parents. It’s a good little set-up. We don’t always get along – who does? But it’s nice to be able to see them again.

NIGHT – RELAX, LET GO

Before I go to bed, I bring it back to me again. A shorter, easier yoga session than the morning, and a bit of meditation – actively letting the day go. I’ll usually curl up with a book, or write or draw – something creative and relaxing – checking in with yourself with creativity and lightness.

IDEAL – NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE

Now this is my ideal daily routine – a healthy balance – but of course, it varies a bit everyday. Sometimes I have things to do and places to see, and I have to sacrifice a part of what I do for someone or something else (PITY I know – having to DO things and think about OTHERS, god forbid lol). And then there’s dark days where my spirit wanes, and I struggle to find the motivation to even open my laptop, doubting that the outcome will be perfect, and thus convincing myself not to try. These days, I try to invest in me again, let myself live only in the moment, let myself fall, knowing tomorrow is another day, another day to get back up again and back at it. The last time this happened – I spent half the afternoon freestyle dancing on the porch in beautiful sunshine – purposefully living in the moment. 

No, I don’t have balance in every day of my life. Things happen. You WON’T have balance every day. But it’s in LIFE that balance is most important. By consciously reminding yourself to balance your day, you’ll be closer to balancing your life. 

Let me know how you all balance your day in the comments and follow my instagram to see parts of my day shown directly through you in my Insta stories. (trust me, you don’t want to miss the dancing – it’ll at least make you laugh)

You guys got this! Stay conscious of the need for balance and #letyoursunshine.

Welcome to Me

“Hi, I’m Moeryae!”

“Oh, I thought your name was Sunny.”

“Well, sometimes. My full name is Moeryae Sunshine Star Smith.”

Aaaaaaand…. then I wait, for the tilted heads, the questioning looks. This is how I usually introduce myself to other humans. Well, usually with only one of the names. Whether I say Sunny or Moeryae, the questions still roll. So, I thought I’d keep it real for you all and give you a really authentic introduction.

SO my first name, although some guess French roots, was actually “created” by my hippie mother, based on the name “Moraye” which means fate. However, it also has ties to the Moraye eel – a slimey eel, thus my mother just threw in some syllables and made a new word up based on “fate.” Oh – and names are free, which explains the two middle names. Sunshine – because the day I got home from the hospital, my older brother, Sky (yes, his name is Sky- I know, I know) sang to me the song “My Sunshine” by Johnny Cash and then promptly thumped me in the head seconds after. Star? Honestly, the explanation on this name is the fuzziest, but I know it has something to do with a midwife.
To make it even more complicated, most people know me as “Sunny” – the nickname of my FIRST middle name.

I have always been different – strange, creative, weird, unique, crazy – whatever adjective you want to use here – I’m different. 

CHILDHOOD IN TIE-DYE

When I was a kid, I grew up in a hippie-like household that was a 20-minute drive outside of town in the middle of the woods – our closest neighbor about a mile away. We were pretty much dirt-poor. Lots of different struggles that probably could have been avoided with better adulting. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my story now – the uniqueness, my hippie mom, bearded dad – every single struggle I went through molded me into who I am today. I am stronger and better equipped simply because I had to live through life like that.

But as a kid, I didn’t want to be different. Although MY family was different, we were still smack-dab in the middle of rural Midwest America – so everyone I went to school with lived the suburban, white, upper-middle-class life. I envied my friends with the seemingly perfect lives – the perfect, PTO mom that picked them up perfectly on time in their new soccer-mom car, to take them to whatever little-league practice or dance class they were signed up for that week, the big, clean suburban house that had neighbors close-by to play with..

As for me? Well, I’m still good friends with my elementary janitor (SHOUT OUT TO YOU, MR. LARRY). We spent a lot of time waiting for my parents to pick me up after school – regularly 30 minutes late – usually my dad rolling up in his giant flat-bed truck or my mother gliding in wearing some flowy skirt with a slightly apologetic and inebriated smile on her face. I hate to say it, but I resented them for being different. I wanted the perfect PTO mom, the normal car, the name-brand clothes.

It took time – and years of me faking suburban perfection in clear rebellion of my family’s life – for me to settle into myself and love my differences. In high school, I did everything RIGHT, trying to be the perfect student – I was in Student Council, National Honor Society, Section Leader in Band and Choir, Percussion Ensemble, etc. etc.. I ran track and cross country and made decent money serving pizza on night shifts. I was that annoying overachiever, always seemingly perfect and in control. I hid all of the dark parts of my family – the alcoholism that wrecked us, the  struggle to pay bills, every night I spent hiding in my room crying. I tried desperately to FIT IN – to be normal. And apparently I did a pretty good job – my best friends recently told me they had no idea of any of the darkness outside of school. But, even then, I couldn’t hide it fully – because I was only three years younger than my brother, going through the same school system. If our names weren’t Sunny and Sky and our faces didn’t look nearly identical without his beard, people honestly wouldn’t have even known we were related then. As it is, names tend to come up anyways – and I constantly got the reaction of “you’re SKY’s sister? No way, really?” Because he had fully embraced our unique life, our differences. He wasn’t trying to be anything he wasn’t. He was him and unique and yes, a bit of a skater – pothead, but smart as hell and didn’t care what anyone thought. I was trying to be everything I wasn’t, on an impossible quest of perfection.

Summers with family were fun though and instilled the travel bug in me from the earliest age. We’d take road trips in pop-up camper vans to different national parks and visit our family in Florida every summer, driving speedboats and playing on beaches. So don’t get me twisted- my childhood wasn’t all bad – in fact, there was so, SO much good. My mother especially, she instilled this love for travel and adventure and spontaneity. My father set the example of selflessness literally all the time – I can’t even tell you how many homeless people or hitchhikers I’ve ridden with – some who ended up staying rent-free for months on our property. But no matter that, they were still different, and I hadn’t come to terms with it yet.

COLLEGE AND THE ENTIRE WORLD

So, when high school ended, I went away to college, to University of Central Missouri, thinking a seven hour drive would be far enough away from family and not break the bank. AND UCM was one of the few technical photography programs (not art-based) left in the nation. (Now, the program has also shut down and moved to art).

This is where my traveling adventures all really started. The summer after my Freshman year, I went on a fully-funded Honors summer program to the Netherlands. 

It was my first time abroad, though I’d traveled a lot with my family in the States. I studied International Communications at Hanze University of Applied Sciences in Groningen, The Netherlands – about an hour train – ride from Amsterdam. In classes, we had to explain who we were and why we were the way we were. This may seem simple, but this was my first time explaining myself to non-Americans. These people didn’t know me – and they were from all over the world. As I talked, I started to understand my prejudices, my oh-so-American perspective from the outside-in. Coincidentally, it was also the first time I explained my hippie childhood difference and was fully and undeniably PROUD of it.

And now – we’re here – four years, seven trips abroad, and twenty countries later. That travel bug, hinted at as a kid, flared into a crazy being after that first trip. I spent the rest of my college career traveling any chance I got, and everywhere I could – 2 full semesters abroad, 2 full summers abroad, 1 winter break, and 1 very spontaneous week in the middle of a semester in which I skipped some classes to hop on a plane to Ireland. I lived to breathe another air, to see another perspective, to understand another culture. 

And throughout it, I found myself, as absolutely cliche that sounds. In every country, I discovered another part of me, settling into the unique human that writes to you today. 

COVID-19 AND NOW

SO – here we are. I have recently found myself at an unexpected standstill back home in Midwest Missouri. COVID-19 slammed an abrupt end to my final college semester studying in Spain. My future plans, which previously completely centered around travel are now uncertain, improbable, and impossible for the current moment.

I went back and forth for a while of loving my current moment and wanting to just enjoy the present and dive further into my spiritual self, and then putting a ton of pressure on myself with the thought of “I should be doing something, I should be using this time to be productive…”

So I sat still and quiet – and just thought. And by this, I started to wonder what I could give others, in this truly difficult time. I realized… that it’s me – I am giving you me, and all of what comes with it. In the past years, I have traveled the world, searching for something – that something was this – this blessed understanding of others and life and the knowledge that we really know nothing at all unless we know ourselves. I’ve flown very high and very low on this self-betterment journey, finding the best and worst in others and myself. I’m so incredibly grateful for every experience – bad or good. Every human I’ve met, every experience I’ve made – has shaped me to be here today.

I’ve come so far from that little girl in khaki pants at the Student Council meeting, or that wallflower child hiding from her life in her room. I’m a creative, I’m unique, I’m different – and I’m proud of it.

I’m creating this blog to share with you what I’ve learned from every experience. Whether you’re still figuring it out who you are, or you’re now focused on how to become the best you – which is where I’m at – we will do it together. 

I want you all to comment and tell me the things you overcame to be yourself today. How have you changed? Are you ready to become the best you – mentally, physically, and spiritually?

Connect with me on my instagram to see a glimpse of these adventures, and the tales to come (trust me, you don’t want to miss those dancing stories!).

#letyoursunshine

Believe in Yourself

HOW TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

This is my very first blog post. 

I’m apprehensive about starting this blog, yet mad at myself that I didn’t start sooner – like four years ago sooner, when I first started traveling – or two years sooner, when I began a serious self-improvement journey – or a year ago, when I really got into yoga.

How incredibly energy-wasting it is – to be mad at yourself for something you didn’t do.
Instead, why don’t we transform that energy into productivity – and just START NOW?

FIRST: RECOGNIZE YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND REFRAME

I thought, “I’ve been wasting all my time, when I should have created a business a long time ago; I should have been writing this whole time.”

Okay, back UP, Moeryae! That’s insane! No, the last four years were not a waste. The last four years of traveling the world has given me the life experience I need to have a basis to stand on to even share with you all. If I had started this then, you would have looked at me crazy, because I was still so young and naive. I needed to truly live in the experience first.

I didn’t understand myself enough to share with you then and that’s okay. 

I know myself fully now, which has given me the confidence to share with you all – in hopes that you can know yourselves as well.

SECOND: INTERNALIZE THE COMPLIMENTS AND LET GO OF THE REST

Now, don’t get me wrong – no one in my life will tell you I have low self-esteem. Self-love is and always has been wildly active in my life. 

However, I never credited myself enough in my ability to help others.

Most of the time, the people’s opinions that stick with us are the bad ones – the ones that make you feel unimportant, fat, useless, dumb, inept. Unfortunately, those opinions are the ones we think about when we’re falling asleep alone at night or when we’re looking in the mirror, questioning if we’re good enough. Those are the opinions that make us pause in our step, wondering if what we’re doing is worth it at all, if we’re even good enough.

Well, you know what? We ARE good enough. I AM good enough.

The last couple months, I’ve gotten so many compliments of my “good energy.” The last compliment I heard was “I bring out the best in everyone around me.”

And THAT is the compliment I will remember and internalize. I’m letting go of the rest.

THIRD: FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT

Believing in yourself, mostly comes from you.

I know you’re thinking that’s unhelpful, and really, yes it can be.
Because we are our own worst enemy. 

And that’s where this comes in.
FAKE IT. 

How will they know if you don’t really know what you’re talking about, if you’re not truly that confident, self-possessed woman? 

Act like it, fake it, and you will become it. 

Strike that power pose, and nail that interview.

Start that business.

The only one stopping you, is you.

AND THAT’S IT FOLKS: Positivity, internalizing the compliments, and fake it til you make it.

I wrote this as my first blog post mainly because this is evidence of me – FINALLY believing in myself. For me to believe in you, I have to believe in me.

I love you all. I love me. I know that we can do absolutely everything we dream of. You can achieve it too. I want to encourage you all to take a breath today, and think about what’s stopping you from achieving your own dreams. Is it yourself?

I want to hear about this from you all personally! Connect with me on instagram @moeryae and comment on this with what your dreams are, and what’s been stopping you – up until THIS moment.

I believe in you. Now let’s help you believe in you.

#letyoursunshine